I think part of the reason I haven't posted on here is I have too much to say and I can't narrow my thoughts. So instead of not commenting at all I will share all the things I have been thinking about of late and I would welcome comments and insights ... I love dialogue ... maybe that is why I am not a huge fan of the one sided blog.
My list:
1. Mary Magdelene ... her role, importance (or lack there of) in the catholic church
2. Mental health issues amongst women especially depression & anxiety - I would like to think in some cases the anecdotes to these issues are more self-love(ignoring persistant media images) and more girlfriend time, just gabbing. There is a place for medication but I do think maybe talk therapy is just not readily available. I am not sure though.
3. The overall importance of having girlfriends ... I love my girls and I don't think I would be alive or well without them.
4. Eating healthy and by that I don't mean low fat. I mean low chemical. I love my half and half especially if it is organic.
5. Poverty and what it means in the modern world ... Jesus talks a lot about the poor. What is our role in poverty. I am working on detachment from material possessions and minimalism goes hand and hand with that. Should I also feed and clothe the poor and how do I do that?
6. Cancer ... I hate it. I want to prevent it but it seems so overwhelming. I did research this topic for a month straight full time and I still want to know more.
7. Politics. I used to be very political but lately I prefer thinking about effectuating change in non political ways. I have a general mistrust of governments in general ... taught too much history I guess.
8. School systems. what works, what doesn't. So much to change ... I want to start a charter school but I am very overwhelmed by it right now.
Those are the main things I am studying right now other than working for my brother, writing about Nora in her book, and caring for my family.
Weigh in on any of these if you will.
The only other comment is I really wanted to put pics and videos on here but I haven't found the time to figure out how ... my apologies!
Mols
I think the mental health/anxiety issue is an important one and I certainly think that the medical world is too quick to slap a patient on medication. The kick-backs (although illegal now I believe), are unbelievable.
ReplyDeleteI have gone into the doctor for feeling sad/overwhelmed/tired/upset/moody. All things that could be fixed with a night out. I do not make time for myself... which in reality is the prescription I need.
I have been on Zoloft, Paxil, and now Celexa. They all make my life "better" in some instances, but worse in so many others. I took Zoloft through my pregnancy because it was (quote) "better for the twins than going off of it." I took Paxil for test anxiety, and I STILL have a rash from withdrawal. The Celexa is worthless.
I don't cry anymore. I used to be able to show emotion. Cry happy tears, cry sad tears and have a good ol' cry now and again. I have not cried since Nora's funeral. I want to, I have the feeling to cry, but my psyche' won't let me.
I hate not feeling like myself. The truth is, I have been on these medicines for almost five years. I don't even know what myself is anymore. It is sad. And it is even worse writing it all down. Seeing it on the screen makes me want to scream (but I can't, I don't feel emotion like I used to and I am at work... not really recommended for the night nurse to scream at 2 a.m.)
I do think that being together with others is the ticket. Not some little pill in a bottle. You've talked about that before. Togetherness. I don't see my friends as much as I used to. And the last time I remember true laughter, was with them.
It's sad, but I still struggle in finding the time. I have to work, I work nights, I have the twins, Dustin, the house, school, etc. I don't know how to manage my personal time. I could invite friends over, but then, I worry about the house being clean, the kids being naughty, etc. I throw myself into this cycle.
Which I think is partly because of the medicine. It makes me introverted and makes me feel like I don't need people.
And a certainly little dRAgONfly taught me so much more than that. But, the struggle runs back and forth in my mind, from the meds I am sure.
At this point, I don't even know how to get off of them. Maybe I could start with a night out and a bottle of wine. But, I can't drink and take my meds. See, again, the circle.
This one is vicious. If I had to do it over again, I would refuse the meds, and go straight for the girlfriends and the bottle of wine.
1.I get frustrated thinking about Mary M. and how forgotten and misrepresented most women are in religion. I am not a practicer but a lay researcher! When I read about Mormons who have an underground doctrine of "heavenly mother" as a corollary to "heavenly father" or God, I got really interested. They are officially not allowed to pray to her! But the feminists do. Oh, and I also learned that masterbating is a sin for both Mormons and Catholics. (I didn't know this about Catholics until i read about the Confessional App.!)
ReplyDelete2-3. Insurance doesn't pay for many sessions of talk therapy (6-10) although it is quite helpful (so says reasearch) likely b/c it is reproducing the effects of the best kind of friendship. The combo of talk therapy and meds. works the best, suggesting both the best kind of friendship and placebo help change our thinking/doing. Meds. alone can be effective but the positive benefits take time to work into your system, sometimes the side effects are so severe, it takes several tries to get the dosage/type right. Sometimes, side effects are so bad, they aren't worth it, too.
4. My favorite combo is eating fresh fruit while exploring a new city on foot, all done in my pre-parent days. I usually get so into the experience that I go overboard, get dehydrated and wind up thinking it was the fruit, i.e. (hostel/hostile) fruit! But it is not. It is that I don't get to do both often enough and my body has no idea what I'm trying to do.
5. Poverty and our lack of experience w/ it. The realtor next door was going on about "this administration" being bad for business. I spent the next 12 hours providing the better answer in my head. In the US corporate profits are up, yet we still blame Democrats/Obama for being anti-business (b/c corporations are so used to mega profits/greed) that they won't hire unless govt jumps through flaming hoops backwards to guarantee their profit excess. Our CEO's make 100 times more than lowest paid workers. OUr wealthy live like the robber barons of the guilded age. Middle American's conception of poverty is off-balance by the fact that we relate more w/ the rich, we dream to be them instead of "settling" for reality, which would allow us to work for a safety net and conceptualize poverty as something that CAN happen to us (one missed mortgage payment) and happens routinely to the vast majority of others in developing countries.
cont.
6. Neal has a colleague who's cancer just matastisized. She thought she was okay after aggressive treatment for breast cancer, esp. when the docs. said all is well, "we got it." It is hard to both trust their expertise and put their expertise in context ie. there is a lot we don't know about how an individual will respond to treatment. Statistics that sound promising lend easily to super-optimism.
ReplyDelete7. My easy-peasy short-cut is I vote Democrat. I mean who wants to be the nuts who saw the Rep. in Arizona get shot and went out and bought more guns to be safe. The research shows a gun in your home is much, much more likely to be used mistakenly by kids, mistakenly by owners, stolen and used against others. Maybe, I get some credibitilty for being a former Tx parole officer to murderers and sex offenders who would Never carry a gun into the home of a felon. It just ups the expectation/likelihood of lethality. Police officers train a bunch w/ their weapons and they hit their targets a small fraction of the time, when in real-life situations. Who are we, us regular people, to think we can work a gun faster than a criminal can take it from us and use it on us b/c they have less practice weighing the consequences of their actions and making the right decision?
Up higher on my soap box: The Repubs are so controlled by the social conservatives (redifining rape as only bad-enough if it's "forcible," a definition that has long been proven to not describe the dynamic that most often occurs) and so many other examples, that their fiscal conservatives don't have a voice. We have a two party system, which means we have to pick a side. I pick the people who bring us the 8 hour work day and the weekend, the labor movement. I pick the people who recognize that I should be paid the same as men, the women's movement, the environmentalists who think clean air, water, soil, food etc is really important, doesn't take a backseat to business, and on and on and on. It's pledge drive on Public Radio. If you're looking to stay informed about govt, it's easy to listen, interesting, and even motivating. Those journalists don't yell or threaten that the end of the world is coming. Sensible!
8. YOu are so motivated! Considering developing a charter. It is good to have your parents as resources. I am only one step ahead of Ben's age. Montessori for pre-school, Spanish dual language for elem through high school. I would prefer Spanish Immersion, but that is not offered in Wichita.
I love and appreciate your comments Jen! You are so informed. I loved everything you said!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I would have to argue we have more than a 2 party system. I think if more people talked about it being more than a two party then we may be more inclined to vote for the woman or man who really represents us without fear of wasting a vote. I want to spot light the parties that don't recieve money from the NRA and Planned Parenthood. I just want a candidate who is super smart and listens to the people, not the corporations and special interest groups. Jesse Ventura got elected ... :)
So you are serious about Spanish dual language ... that is very exciting. My good friend's mom teaches at a Spanish Immersion school in St. Paul ... very cool. Another reason I am bummed you are moving ... if I ever start a charter ... I could really use your help! EEK :)
Have a good one friend!
Molly
About schools:
ReplyDeleteOf the places I've lived, in/around St.Louis and Austin, Texas I've only heard of full-day kindergarten as the standard (since I've been an adult). When I moved here 5 years ago I was surprised full-day Kindergarten wasn't standard in MN. The state has a reputation for fully funding social services, especially education.
I did some research and learned that there is a funding problem in Minnesota. Minnesota's progressive reputation is based on the past, not the current political climate. MN, like the nation, has been cutting back (think: Republicans prefer smaller govt. Yet, Govt/taxes/us fund(s) the school system. MN is becomming more Republican. Tim Pawlenty famously balanced the state budget by cutting medical services to individuals in poverty. His decision was later ruled unconstitutional by the MN supreme court. Now, the new governor and Republican controlled legislator are grappling w/ how to fund the state,(there's a budget crisis looming).
I've read that the Primary reason for 1/2 day kindergarten in MN is an inability to fund full day kindergarten (and a lack of pubic demand to redirect existing funds or increase revenue by way of tax increase.)
I believe that public school choice options in MN may have prevented that all out public demand. In MN, a parent can enroll kids in any public school. In all the other places I've lived (and where my scattered grad.school friends now live) public school students must attend the public school in the district they reside. Weathly/upper middle class families buy homes in "better school district" neighborhoods. In St. Louis and Austin, Tx many parents send their kids to private schools b/c the publics are too low quality and the wealthy (professionals like doctors/lawyers) have the money for religious and/or private tuition. My folks moved across the river, to another county, St. Charles(98% white) to avoid the gang violence in a neighborhood they could afford in St. Louis. I remember there being 1 taco bell and very little else...now it's a booming suburb, all you need is a car...
I think MN school choice is an interesting option. Schools compete against each other for the funding that comes from the state for each child enrolled. (St.Cloud ISD struggles to compete with Sartel and neighboring districts this way. Those suburban (and more white kids) are easier to educate than the immigrant and lower income kids in St.Cloud. Not all parents choose a school outside their district, for a variety of reasons; distance, lack of knowledge, etc.
School choice, which might contribute to MN's 1/2 day kindergarten funding, does cause a burden for many middle class and working class families who need 2 incomes to support a family. (paying for day-care is costly. Quality day-care is very costly!)
Incomes over the last 30 years have not kept pace w/ inflation. Families usually don't realize this. They just look at the bottom line budget and conclude that in order to maintain a standard of living they grew up with, it is necessary to have 2 parents work. Also, an employer cannot reliably be counted on to provide affordable insurance (more out of pocket expenses, less than 40 hour work week means no insurance). Two parents working means that there is still health insurance available when one is laid off. Even for parents w/ college educations and equivalent jobs. There is a great deal of job instability is this economy.
I know my current family lives a very different standard of living than either I and my spouse grew up in. (same for our siblings) For us it is a conscious choice for me not to work for pay, but also a financially costly one! In one significant way, I haven't contributed to my retirement Roth since I had the baby, no extra money for it.
ReplyDeleteSo, I am sympathetic to individual child/family needs. There are a ton of factors. I want to be conscious that my choices, issues, problems are based on my privilege, more-than-average amount of education, childhood parental support, current stable marriage, my race, his stable job/income/benefits. All told, a great deal of priviledge that continues to help me make careful and informed choices, pro-actively.
There was a garden and animals at our neighborhood school in Austin, TX. I went to people-watch at fundraisers and day-dream of affording kids (need stable health-insurance)! The parents at the neighborhood school were well-to-do professionals with very nice cars. It was Austin, so there were a lot of parents that looked like hippies, with cooresponding looking hippy kids. It is an interesting cultural statement that professional Af.Americans in St.Louis always dress immaculately to signify their status. In Austin, the wealth was evident in the cars, not the clothing of (white) people.
I'm interested in montessori and spanish dual language b/c my kid "behaves" better when we're talking about Wikileaks, peace treaties after wars, how many moons each planet in our solar system has, a preg.woman's compromised circulatory system,oooh look at my veins etc! I know class sizes aren't going to get smaller, meaning he won't get individual attention anywhere near at home. We did try public school and regular day-care first. MOntessori and dual language are my incremental efforts to find a good fit for this particular child! This is me working with the reality of the public school system.
IN reality, We don't have (a critical mass of) citizens who are willing to pay for the gov't (schools) we want. Our tax structure burdens the middle classes instead of the wealthy. So, the issue gets complicated for middle class Americans who hope to get that raise someday and be in that wealthier tax bracket.
I don't know if my plan will work out, but I know my kid will have a hard time self-regulating his behavior in "regular" kindergarten, especially all-day! Montessori costs a small fortune, but it is only a year. Thank goodness Spanish dual language is a public school option b/c I can't imagine being able to afford 13 years of private school. I also cannot imagine home-schooling. Keeping up with what is in the news, having a grad. education degree, being highly motivated, just isn't enough to home-school my kids for 13 years of each of their lives. Phew. Everyone has their preferences/limits! And I have only enough business background to know that many charters failed in Texas b/c the management was education-oriented w/o business skills. The kids got tossed around a lot, with little educational stability.
I'm not the type to take the risk of either being in a start-up or being the responsible party of a start-up! But boy, am I impressed by the folks who do and can make it work. If I stand close, will some of that good stuff rub off on me?