I go back and forth with my thoughts a lot. Sometimes, especially after having Nora, I think children will be fine. As long as they have a lot of love from the same caring nurturing people, they will turn out fine. Then the other times I think children need proper stimulation and a lot of attention and care to turn out well. So this translates into organic food fads and occasional enrollment in fun extra curricular activities for Evie.
When I feel good, motivated and have some time on my hands we eat all home cooked, mostly vegetarian organic food. Like for example tonight I made low sugar banana muffins. I know exactly what non toxic ingredients when into them. I know the benefits of the cinnamon and the banana and I feel good. One month ago I was giving her a totally processed chicken tamale that I microwaved ... it recommended microwaving it in plastic, at least I took that off and wrapped it in a damp cloth right!?! Even then I still feel pretty good though. I think part of my great self-esteem is my ability to forgive myself. I just do the best I can with the time and resources and don't sweat the rest. I know it is important to eat right but I also know eating right isn't going to prevent the heartache of losing a child to a congenital heart defect. So now I have perspective.
My other wavering thoughts are on extra curricular activities. I never did what a lot of kids these days do, the obsessive running around to get to all their sports, music, and other lessons, and I turned out okay. I actually think family time together is what is missing and it is lost to all these extra curricular runnings around. Then I read "Tiger Mom." Now I have a different view, for the time being. :) I have always wanted Evie to dance. She always been super sensory and it fits her well. She loves it. So now I find myself calling all the dance schools in the area and being frustrated with the lack of classic ballet offerings as well as the total lack of Irish dancing. Will she be fine with some fun mediocre dance company, probably. As a mama though, I want the best, whatever that is.
It seems like a forever struggle for me. Acceptance versus striving for greatness in all things. I think greatness is good and important but so is moderation. So I plan to continue my back and forth until I find some other way to be.
www.shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/are-chinese-parents-really-the-best-parents-2438574/
ReplyDeleteMolly,
I haven't read Tiger Mama yet, but have read a ton of reviews. Here's one I like, I think b/c the level of dedication that Chua required of her kids reminds me of Perfectionism.
I prefer (simple) exposure to a bunch of different experiences, opportunities for the child to define for self his/her interests/identity. There is such a thing as burnout! Child actors, and anyone who excels early (likely b/c of single-minded focus) have a hard time identifying self when they (and this applies to most) ultimately "hit the wall." Then, those kids crash into self-destructive behaviors b/c they mostly defined their worth by their accomplishments and ability to gain external accolades/awards/prizes/scholarships.
Also, I think when kids (and parents) become so invested in a sport (like hockey) or skill (like piano), it becomes hard for the parents to avoid living through the child. Parents become motivated by a fantasy, experiencing their "wildest hopes" instead of a more realistic view of the child, of personhood.
When I think about how much it costs to round-robin Ben through, now gymnastics, swimming lessons, trips to science/children's/history museums and later soccer, t-ball, basketball, tennis, music lessons, camps, etc, It All Pales in comparison to the financial investment of "launching" children into Elite skills/sports.
How realistic is this for middle class parents (in this new economy)? Is it even possible to do this for all the kids in a family. (Amy Chua is an attorney and prof. and her husband, an ivy-league professor who's written a bunch of books.)
Jen
PS Jen A's girls are in a dance class...her recommendation/experience might reassure or point in a direction. I have had similar missives about (the lack of) St. Cloud cultural opportunities. The MacPhail Center for music in MSP offers really neat music classes for kids, but not worth the drive. I bet there are yoga classes for kids in MSP, but in st.cloud? These are the trade-offs of living out-state. Cities have the population density to sustain art/music/cultural opportunities.